Full on freak out in progress...be warned!

Yes, it's true. I am experiencing a full on, hard core freak out. I am exactly 3 weeks post surgery and am CONVINCED I've caused my band to slip. Throughout this process, the doctor said the most common complication from the surgery is band slippage. And, from the beginning, I've worried that it will happen to me. I do, at times, have a "Ziggy mentality" and feel as though that rain cloud is looming over me. More often than not, the rain cloud is no where in sight-but my perception is that it's right there. Not that I'm a total doom and gloomer-I'm actually quite positive.

Perhaps it's years of disappointment over my weight loss failures that has brought this on. Perhaps it's the bloating and discomfort anytime I eat anything. Or, perhaps it's the chronic mid-back pain that has me fearing the slippage. I'm not quite sure. I've called the doctor and unfortunately my nurse is on vacation until next week. And, I do have an appointment scheduled for Tuesday. But, until I get some clear answers from my doctor-I'm left to wrestle with my mind and speculate on my "symptoms". Neither of which is good.

A friend of mine recently encouraged me with "this WILL work." Don't stay focused on your past failures...this time it IS different. Why do I torture myself this way? Why am I looking for reasons to think this won't work? I know these are only questions I can eventually answer-after much prayer and self reflection.

So, as I pack up after my week long vacation at the beach and wonder why I've had to consume myself with these thoughts while attempting to enjoy sun and surf (Yes, can you believe I've tortured myself while on vacation with my gorgeous family?)- I realize that perhaps this week of fearing over slippage has roots in some deeper issues. Yes- fear of failure (and rejection); fear of feeling less than worthy; fear of succeeding (yes-we all must admit that sometimes the fear of success is scarier than failure). I am reminded and assured that as a child of God-I need not fear anything. For if God is with me-who can be against me? The answer is no one-except maybe myself. I really must get out of my own way...