I feel good

I woke up the other morning singing James Brown's "I feel good." And, I do. I am on the mend from the surgery and still just so excited about what lies before me on my weight loss journey.

Now, I am a bit sick and tired of protein and fruit shakes. I have a follow up doctors appointment on Monday at which time I hope I get the green light for some soft, mushy foods. Who would have thought I would be counting down the days until I was able to eat PUREED foods? Really?

I'm down about 13 pounds since I started my 7 day pre-op diet. 13 pounds-that is not too shabby and I'm totally excited about it. I spent 44 weeks with a personal trainer over the last 52 weeks; modified my diet and lost nothing. So, to see 13 pounds was quite an accomplishment. Speaking of the gym...

I miss that, too (in addition to actual food versus a blended icy concoction). I am on an exercise hiatus until I've fully mended and I really am looking forward to getting back in the gym and hitting that spin bike. Who would have thought...I'm looking forward to pureed foods and the spin bike...talk about changes.

Now, someone grab my shiny sparkly pink boxing robe...I must complete singing along with the Godfather of Soul...I feel good...I knew that I would now...

Freedom in Boundries...

My husband reminded me today, as I'm in my hospital gown feeling as though a Mack truck hit me then turned around and hit me again, that there is Freedom in Boundaries. And, he's exactly right.

My pastor once told a story about a group of school children who were taken outside to play. One group played in a fenced in area and one group played in an area with no fences. The children within the fencing explored the entire area, ran, laughed and played until it was time to go inside. The other group, the group without fencing, just sort of mingled in the middle of the play yard, not really exploring the entire play area. Freedom in Boundaries.

I am home today after my lap band surgery. And, as awful as I may feel physically right now, I'm terribly excited and happy. As I mentioned in a previous blog-I'm looking forward to redefining my relationship with food. And, it's starting with boundaries and my freedom within those boundaries. The lap band is my fence...so it's time to enjoy my life using my band to help me place boundaries on my previously destructive relationship with food!

3 down and counting...

I'm almost through day 4 of my liquid low carb diet which means I'm a little over 3 days away from surgery.

I think I'm handling it just fine (insert irrational, nasty comment to a dear loved one here). Seriously-I think I've been a bit...bitc%y. I'm sure there are those that may not notice the difference, but man I've been about ready to take people's heads off and in some instances HAVE! :) So, for those of you in the line of fire-I apologize. It's not you-it's me (and the lack of any carbs in my diet).

It's almost surreal to think it's just days away. Days away to a completely life changing event. No longer will I be able to sit on the sofa, watching TV and eating a bag (yes, the complete bag) of chips. No longer will I be able to go out to dinner with my family and eat the chips/salsa and an entree. And, no longer will I be able to feel guilty about it.

I find it interesting that the things we do to comfort ourselves are oftentimes the same things that make us feel like crap about ourselves. It's such a vicious cycle-as any addiction is.

So, I look with promise to my new life after surgery. I'm looking forward to food not being my best friend and my worst enemy. I'm starting to visualize my new relationship with food and man am I excited. Let the chains and shackles fall because a prisoner to food I will no longer be.

Now-a slave to fashion...I see that addiction staying with me (and perhaps intensifying) for quite some time...perhaps I should tell my husband to not read my blog tonight.

Day 2...

Really, it's only been a little over 24 hours since I started my pre-op diet? This is going to be tough. I started my all liquid, low carb diet yesterday. And, at the same time decided to try and give up caffeine. Probably not the wisest move, my friends. So, last night I indulged in a glass of tea and this morning-coffee. At least the headache went away!

For those who don't know me, after years of struggle I've decided to have Lap Band surgery. This was not a decision made lightly or without prayer and deep self reflection. So-if you think you might have a comment to offer that is not supportive, let me stop you there and ask that you refrain from posting your particular opinion on the subject. This is, after all, a decision that affects me and my family so we're really the only ones who should have much say in the matter. And, we see this as a tool to offer me assistance while I continue on my path of health. It's not the easy fix rather an aid to help me accomplish my goals.

Surgery is scheduled for Friday, July 23. I am nervous but excited; hesitant and hopeful; but mostly I'm a bit weary from a long struggle that has netted limited results. So, I move forward on my journey-putting behind me those dangerous thoughts of is this really going to work when nothing else has? I choose to think rather of the possibilities ahead of me...a long active, healthy life with my husband and three kids; not being self conscious of my body, not deciding to engage in life for fear of embarrassment and of course-a closet full of Lilly Pulitzer...

So, stay tuned my friends...I'm sure your support will be needed and appreciated...