I feel good

I woke up the other morning singing James Brown's "I feel good." And, I do. I am on the mend from the surgery and still just so excited about what lies before me on my weight loss journey.

Now, I am a bit sick and tired of protein and fruit shakes. I have a follow up doctors appointment on Monday at which time I hope I get the green light for some soft, mushy foods. Who would have thought I would be counting down the days until I was able to eat PUREED foods? Really?

I'm down about 13 pounds since I started my 7 day pre-op diet. 13 pounds-that is not too shabby and I'm totally excited about it. I spent 44 weeks with a personal trainer over the last 52 weeks; modified my diet and lost nothing. So, to see 13 pounds was quite an accomplishment. Speaking of the gym...

I miss that, too (in addition to actual food versus a blended icy concoction). I am on an exercise hiatus until I've fully mended and I really am looking forward to getting back in the gym and hitting that spin bike. Who would have thought...I'm looking forward to pureed foods and the spin bike...talk about changes.

Now, someone grab my shiny sparkly pink boxing robe...I must complete singing along with the Godfather of Soul...I feel good...I knew that I would now...

Freedom in Boundries...

My husband reminded me today, as I'm in my hospital gown feeling as though a Mack truck hit me then turned around and hit me again, that there is Freedom in Boundaries. And, he's exactly right.

My pastor once told a story about a group of school children who were taken outside to play. One group played in a fenced in area and one group played in an area with no fences. The children within the fencing explored the entire area, ran, laughed and played until it was time to go inside. The other group, the group without fencing, just sort of mingled in the middle of the play yard, not really exploring the entire play area. Freedom in Boundaries.

I am home today after my lap band surgery. And, as awful as I may feel physically right now, I'm terribly excited and happy. As I mentioned in a previous blog-I'm looking forward to redefining my relationship with food. And, it's starting with boundaries and my freedom within those boundaries. The lap band is my fence...so it's time to enjoy my life using my band to help me place boundaries on my previously destructive relationship with food!

3 down and counting...

I'm almost through day 4 of my liquid low carb diet which means I'm a little over 3 days away from surgery.

I think I'm handling it just fine (insert irrational, nasty comment to a dear loved one here). Seriously-I think I've been a bit...bitc%y. I'm sure there are those that may not notice the difference, but man I've been about ready to take people's heads off and in some instances HAVE! :) So, for those of you in the line of fire-I apologize. It's not you-it's me (and the lack of any carbs in my diet).

It's almost surreal to think it's just days away. Days away to a completely life changing event. No longer will I be able to sit on the sofa, watching TV and eating a bag (yes, the complete bag) of chips. No longer will I be able to go out to dinner with my family and eat the chips/salsa and an entree. And, no longer will I be able to feel guilty about it.

I find it interesting that the things we do to comfort ourselves are oftentimes the same things that make us feel like crap about ourselves. It's such a vicious cycle-as any addiction is.

So, I look with promise to my new life after surgery. I'm looking forward to food not being my best friend and my worst enemy. I'm starting to visualize my new relationship with food and man am I excited. Let the chains and shackles fall because a prisoner to food I will no longer be.

Now-a slave to fashion...I see that addiction staying with me (and perhaps intensifying) for quite some time...perhaps I should tell my husband to not read my blog tonight.

Day 2...

Really, it's only been a little over 24 hours since I started my pre-op diet? This is going to be tough. I started my all liquid, low carb diet yesterday. And, at the same time decided to try and give up caffeine. Probably not the wisest move, my friends. So, last night I indulged in a glass of tea and this morning-coffee. At least the headache went away!

For those who don't know me, after years of struggle I've decided to have Lap Band surgery. This was not a decision made lightly or without prayer and deep self reflection. So-if you think you might have a comment to offer that is not supportive, let me stop you there and ask that you refrain from posting your particular opinion on the subject. This is, after all, a decision that affects me and my family so we're really the only ones who should have much say in the matter. And, we see this as a tool to offer me assistance while I continue on my path of health. It's not the easy fix rather an aid to help me accomplish my goals.

Surgery is scheduled for Friday, July 23. I am nervous but excited; hesitant and hopeful; but mostly I'm a bit weary from a long struggle that has netted limited results. So, I move forward on my journey-putting behind me those dangerous thoughts of is this really going to work when nothing else has? I choose to think rather of the possibilities ahead of me...a long active, healthy life with my husband and three kids; not being self conscious of my body, not deciding to engage in life for fear of embarrassment and of course-a closet full of Lilly Pulitzer...

So, stay tuned my friends...I'm sure your support will be needed and appreciated...

I'm baaaack...................

No, I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth. Although I have been living in the trenches again.

I ran into a friend who asked me why I haven’t blogged in awhile. I wish I had a good excuse, but my friends, life is my excuse. I got insanely busy at work and ended up traveling for three weeks in the month of May! That left little time for blogging. I do, after all, have a fairly demanding full time job and three fairly demanding children.

I finished up the Attack the Fat Challenge, again. Yes-I am happy to report that 22 weeks with a personal trainer has netted me a loss of….drum roll please…..2 pounds! Yahoo (insert sarcastic laugh here). Which, I’ve promptly gained back. Although perhaps the 2 pounds was just water weight anyway so I didn’t really lose anything and therefore can’t be held responsible for gaining it back.

As you can imagine, I’ve been a bit depressed about the 2 pounds…uh, I mean, ZERO pounds. So, being busy aside, that’s another reason I haven’t blogged. I am just really having a hard time staying motivated and positive. Which, is not like me at all; I’m a pretty positive person-I see the glass as half full not half empty.

I have two friends that are so close to their goal weights and I’m so very excited and happy for them. I truly am. It’s just hard to look in the mirror and see how far away I am. And, it’s not for lack of trying that the mountain seems insurmountable. But, I must plug away and carry on. So, I’m back.

Thank you for your patience and support as I took the past few months off and pouted. I’m sure there are blue skies on my horizon…

To Jordan...with Love...

To all the naysayers out there, let me tell you…a trip to THE RUNNING STORE is an absolute MUST!

My feet have been killing me. I mean, seriously, I have barely been able to walk since the weekend. My training session on Monday was miserable. In fact, my trainer had to modify my cardio workout since I could barely hobble around on my poor, aching feet.

There is no question that I likely need to see a doctor and physical therapy may be in my future as well. BUT-I finally took the advice of some friends and stopped into The Running Store to find the ***perfect*** pair of shoes.

For those of you who know me, my idea of the ***perfect*** pair of shoes usually includes something shiny, sparkly and in a fabulous open toed sandal. And, in the case of athletic shoes, I typically lean towards something pink and cute. I never thought I’d need to purchase a pair of running shoes based on what they can DO for me.

In walks Jordan…my sales associate at The Running Store. (Insert the sound of harps and angels here) He got me up on the treadmill, took a picture of my walk (and lame attempt at a jog/run) and from that was able to determine what type of running shoe I NEED. Need-go figure that!

To make a short story long…my training session last night, in my new shoes was great! The foot pain was so much better. It wasn’t completely gone, but I was actually able to jog a few laps and walk a few laps and compared to Monday-that was a remarkable improvement.

So, thank you Jordan. Here’s to my gray and blue motion control Brooks…now if they only came in pink….

Oh-the pain!

Okay-I'm really trying hard not to complain, but good grief MY FEET HURT! It's agonizing! I've been to the foot doctor (need to go back) and I've tried the inserts. They seem to make it worse! I had to take them out of my work out shoes and I can't tell if the pain is getting better or worse, seriously.
My trainer actually had to have me do an alternate cardio work out because I can barely walk. I had little Hobbit feet this weekend...they swelled up; it was awful!
I'm going to head to The Running Store and see if a new pair of shoes helps out. Of course, I will feel a bit foolish walking into that store, but clearly need to get over that. Although I don't look like an athlete on the outside-I FEEL like one on the inside.
So, I sit here, soaking my aching feet, watching Dancing with the Stars and wondering when is it going to get better? Clearly the weight is a part of the problem, but you can't get the weigh off without serious exercise, which makes the feet ache even more!!! It's a ridiculous and PAINFUL cycle...