Day 2...

Really, it's only been a little over 24 hours since I started my pre-op diet? This is going to be tough. I started my all liquid, low carb diet yesterday. And, at the same time decided to try and give up caffeine. Probably not the wisest move, my friends. So, last night I indulged in a glass of tea and this morning-coffee. At least the headache went away!

For those who don't know me, after years of struggle I've decided to have Lap Band surgery. This was not a decision made lightly or without prayer and deep self reflection. So-if you think you might have a comment to offer that is not supportive, let me stop you there and ask that you refrain from posting your particular opinion on the subject. This is, after all, a decision that affects me and my family so we're really the only ones who should have much say in the matter. And, we see this as a tool to offer me assistance while I continue on my path of health. It's not the easy fix rather an aid to help me accomplish my goals.

Surgery is scheduled for Friday, July 23. I am nervous but excited; hesitant and hopeful; but mostly I'm a bit weary from a long struggle that has netted limited results. So, I move forward on my journey-putting behind me those dangerous thoughts of is this really going to work when nothing else has? I choose to think rather of the possibilities ahead of me...a long active, healthy life with my husband and three kids; not being self conscious of my body, not deciding to engage in life for fear of embarrassment and of course-a closet full of Lilly Pulitzer...

So, stay tuned my friends...I'm sure your support will be needed and appreciated...

I'm baaaack...................

No, I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth. Although I have been living in the trenches again.

I ran into a friend who asked me why I haven’t blogged in awhile. I wish I had a good excuse, but my friends, life is my excuse. I got insanely busy at work and ended up traveling for three weeks in the month of May! That left little time for blogging. I do, after all, have a fairly demanding full time job and three fairly demanding children.

I finished up the Attack the Fat Challenge, again. Yes-I am happy to report that 22 weeks with a personal trainer has netted me a loss of….drum roll please…..2 pounds! Yahoo (insert sarcastic laugh here). Which, I’ve promptly gained back. Although perhaps the 2 pounds was just water weight anyway so I didn’t really lose anything and therefore can’t be held responsible for gaining it back.

As you can imagine, I’ve been a bit depressed about the 2 pounds…uh, I mean, ZERO pounds. So, being busy aside, that’s another reason I haven’t blogged. I am just really having a hard time staying motivated and positive. Which, is not like me at all; I’m a pretty positive person-I see the glass as half full not half empty.

I have two friends that are so close to their goal weights and I’m so very excited and happy for them. I truly am. It’s just hard to look in the mirror and see how far away I am. And, it’s not for lack of trying that the mountain seems insurmountable. But, I must plug away and carry on. So, I’m back.

Thank you for your patience and support as I took the past few months off and pouted. I’m sure there are blue skies on my horizon…

To Jordan...with Love...

To all the naysayers out there, let me tell you…a trip to THE RUNNING STORE is an absolute MUST!

My feet have been killing me. I mean, seriously, I have barely been able to walk since the weekend. My training session on Monday was miserable. In fact, my trainer had to modify my cardio workout since I could barely hobble around on my poor, aching feet.

There is no question that I likely need to see a doctor and physical therapy may be in my future as well. BUT-I finally took the advice of some friends and stopped into The Running Store to find the ***perfect*** pair of shoes.

For those of you who know me, my idea of the ***perfect*** pair of shoes usually includes something shiny, sparkly and in a fabulous open toed sandal. And, in the case of athletic shoes, I typically lean towards something pink and cute. I never thought I’d need to purchase a pair of running shoes based on what they can DO for me.

In walks Jordan…my sales associate at The Running Store. (Insert the sound of harps and angels here) He got me up on the treadmill, took a picture of my walk (and lame attempt at a jog/run) and from that was able to determine what type of running shoe I NEED. Need-go figure that!

To make a short story long…my training session last night, in my new shoes was great! The foot pain was so much better. It wasn’t completely gone, but I was actually able to jog a few laps and walk a few laps and compared to Monday-that was a remarkable improvement.

So, thank you Jordan. Here’s to my gray and blue motion control Brooks…now if they only came in pink….

Oh-the pain!

Okay-I'm really trying hard not to complain, but good grief MY FEET HURT! It's agonizing! I've been to the foot doctor (need to go back) and I've tried the inserts. They seem to make it worse! I had to take them out of my work out shoes and I can't tell if the pain is getting better or worse, seriously.
My trainer actually had to have me do an alternate cardio work out because I can barely walk. I had little Hobbit feet this weekend...they swelled up; it was awful!
I'm going to head to The Running Store and see if a new pair of shoes helps out. Of course, I will feel a bit foolish walking into that store, but clearly need to get over that. Although I don't look like an athlete on the outside-I FEEL like one on the inside.
So, I sit here, soaking my aching feet, watching Dancing with the Stars and wondering when is it going to get better? Clearly the weight is a part of the problem, but you can't get the weigh off without serious exercise, which makes the feet ache even more!!! It's a ridiculous and PAINFUL cycle...

Little by little...

I am happy, very happy to report a one week weight loss of 3.2 pounds. I can hardly believe it. Now, I'm trying not to get ahead of myself--I wouldn't want to get too cocky over my 3 pounds and fail to work hard this week. But, if this is any indication, I'm already ahead of my TOTAL weight loss while on the first 8 week "Attack the Fat Challenge."

My trainer has definitely mixed things up a bit this year. We are doing a lot of accumulator work outs which I actually really like. First, I don't feel like such a loser trying to keep up with my teammates as we work at our own pace. And, it probably speaks to the kind of person I am, but I've noticed that if I'm trying to keep up with my teammates, I actually don't push myself as hard. I think I get the attitude of what's the point, I can't keep up anyway. When we're working at our own pace, on an accumulator work out, I'm jogging more than ever and pushing myself really hard. Now, my friends can attest to my competitive nature...just ask the friends we had over for a "friendly" game of Cranium over the weekend. So-why if I'm so competitive, I respond better when not pushed in my team environment?" I'm sure that's a more difficult question than it first appears. And, plays into my weight problems to begin with.

If I truly give up in the weight loss game because of my "what's the point" attitude in spite of my uber-competitive nature then, perhaps figuring that out will finally end my struggles in this area. Now-in the meantime, I'll take those 3.2 pounds and try not to focus too hard on the remaining 116.7 to go...

SHAPE it UP!

I wore my brand new Skechers "Shape Ups" all over the house last night. At first sight, you're pretty much thinking that these shoes are the most ridiculous looking things. But, after wearing them around, I think they might actually have some benefits. First, they are really comfortable-it's probably the unbelievable amounts of foaming and cushion attached to the bottom of the shoe. Which, although quite comfortable, it does resemble platform dancing shoes from the 70's with a bit of orthopedic-geriatric flair. Second, you really do feel your "core" (love my new work out lingo) engaging to keep you stable on the rounded soles. And lastly, you can feel your upper legs and butt really working, too! So, I'm a new believer in the power of the shape up shoe and as of yet am not regretting the $100 price tag.

I'm cautiously optimistic about our weigh in Friday night. I've been doing pretty good staying within my points range and our workout last night with Krystal was quite intense. We did an "accumulator" work out. Laps, push ups, jumping jacks, lunges, the list goes on an on. I was quite impressed with myself with the laps-I actually jogged more than walked them-which is quite an accomplishment for me. My teammate Tom really encouraged me and jogged with me to keep me motivated.

So, say a little prayer that my hard work this week pays off on the scale Friday night. I really don't want to burst into tears in week 2 this season...I at least made it to week 4 last season before having a total break down on the scale. :) DANG that evil weighing mechanism!!!!

I've got MOMENTUM on my side...

Well, I joined Weight Watchers today. Now, I've tried this so many times before and haven't been successful with it. But, here's a funny thing...in order to be a contender for the lap band, I first need to PROVE I've been unsuccessful on my own. Now I find this a bit funny, but I guess understandable. I mean, really...isn't it a bit OBVIOUS that I've been unsuccessful? Look at me? I clearly have SIGNIFICANT amounts of weight to lose. But, I digress...I've joined Weight Watchers and I'm in week two of the Attack the Fat Challenge. I'm making every attempt to do this on my own. I'm not willing however to fail again and will use any possible tool to meet my goals.
I met with a friend of mine today who joined WW with me. We were talking about our weight, how it weighs us down (no pun intended) and actually makes us hesitant at times to grab life by the horns and live it. I can totally relate to that. This weekend, while at a birthday party for a friend of my daughters, I did not go on the big blow up slide with her. She so badly wanted me to go, but I was afraid. I was afraid that I wouldn't make it up or worse yet, send that giant dinosaur blow up slide crashing to the floor. That's no way to live your life... afraid to go out there and live it.
My friend and I also discussed that we tend to blame our problems (yes, nearly all of them) on our weight. If I were thin, I'd do this; If I were thin, I wouldn't worry about that...the list goes on. But here's the scary truth...thin, fat or somewhere in between...we are not defined by our situations or circumstances. Life is a precious gift, a gift to be cherished and a gift to be ENJOYED. I was not created to live in the trenches of a self imposed prison; my Creator planned so much more for me. So, time for the chains to come off, the cell door to be unlocked and live this life! That sounds so much easier, but when your body aches from power jacks, squats, laps, push ups, and more...it's really hard to do. DANG that personal trainer!!!