It's hard to believe it's been exactly 6 months since my surgery. 6 months to the day. Amazing. I am down 42 pounds and counting.

I went to a support group a few months ago and the doctor said that the band, "makes the impossible possible." Then he talked about the statistics behind sustained weight loss that exceeds 10 percent. Quite dismal statistics. And, with that information, I am again so pleased with my decision. It's different for everyone, and the band is just a tool to help me reach my goals. But-it's a tool that's helping reshape my thoughts around weight loss and my eating habits. And, I couldn't be happier.

Now the challenge begins by getting the whole family on board with the new eating, healthier choices, less junk. Why is it so hard to go through a cupboard and throw away junk food? The food's not good for any of us and it's better to throw away money than put that stuff in our bodies. A friend was telling me that a french fry you make at home in oil is digested and leaves your body within 2 days, but a McDonald's french fry remains, undigested in your system for 2 months!!! What are we putting into our bodies? And the bigger question, why do we wonder why we can't lose weight, when our body is full of junk that can't be digested and expelled?

So-we're looking to turn over a new leaf; all of us. And lead a healthier life. And not put so much junk in our bodies. We only get one body-we need to take care of it so that it brings us through the hopefully long and challenging road of life.

Happy 2011!

It seems really hard to believe that another year has come & gone...I've grown another year older (and hopefully wiser)...my kids are another year older (and cuter, if that's at all possible).

Amazingly, I am now able to look through my journal and see some progress on my weight loss. It seems to me, that for many years past, I've written in my journal around this time each year and vowed to get the weight off, vowed to eat better, vowed to be successful in this very difficult challenge.

I was reviewing my journal just days ago-reflecting on these past 5 months and am just so excited about my possibilities. I am right under 40 pounds lost, feeling great and excited about this year. Each day is a blank slate-we are able to make the right choices anew. And, I'm really happy about this year. I'm happy about the choices I'm starting to make and the results those choices are producing.

Bring it on, 2011! I'm so ready for you...

3 Months and Counting...

It's hard to believe that I had my surgery 3 months ago to the day. I am officially down 25 pounds. I'm pretty excited about that!

I finally had an adjustment on Tuesday where I actually felt the restriction. So, the 25 pounds is really from the pre-surgery diet and the exercise challenge. Now-we hope that I'm nearing the sweet spot and the weight should start to fall off.

I've been really bad about blogging. I had such good intentions of posting monthly pictures of myself on my journey but good grief...I can't even find the time to blog regularly. I'm hopeful that my life settles down a bit and I can find some moments to reflect on my journey and share it with you.

Alright...now to figure out how to post pictures!!! I need some blogger lessons for sure!

Back in Action.

Well the pink ladies are in full swing and feeling the pain! We've worked out together for almost 2 weeks and we are definitely in sync. We've encouraged each other and helped each other get through our workouts. I'm so excited about it! They're actually helping me push myself, especially with the running. So-a big shout out and thank you to the Pink Ladies...you guys ROCK!

Okay-I've had two more fills after my first fill. I think we are definitely still trying to find my sweet spot. For the first two days after a fill I'm on liquid, then 2 days soft then I transition to "regular" foods. I only really feel restriction until the 2nd day on regular foods, when I feel very little restriction. As a result, I'm down a total of 21 pounds. Which of course is great-I don't want to get caught up in having expected more than 21 pounds to diminish the fabulous-ness of having lost those pounds. I know this is a process-a marathon not a sprint.

It is such an adjustment-life with the band. I think I'm slowly learning to live (and eat) with my new tool. My workouts and food journaling are helping me stay on track. I'm excited about the coming 6 weeks and the additional progress I'll make as a result of my workouts and new eating habits. Stay tuned...

What the...?

Good news-I was down 19 pounds before my first fill! Can you believe that? How fabulous. Seriously, I am so excited about that. When I had my first fill my doctor told me the weight I'd lost up to this point was just "bonus pounds".

So imagine my surprise that here I am post-first fill and I feel LESS restriction from my band and I've gained 4 pounds?

Being the optimist-I'm looking at the 15 pounds lost and trying not to focus on that 4 pound "what in the world is going on" gain. I put a call in to my doctor but they're gone for the long weekend. I will touch base with them tomorrow. I'm sure they'll have me out to adjust my band accordingly and get this weight loss train moving again.

In the meantime, it looks as though I'm stuck at the station but looks we know can be deceiving. I am trying to look inside and figure out what I can learn from this. Patience perhaps-all good things come to those who wait? Being content with what we have-hello, I'll take that 15 pounds! And, in the end I know that this will work and as my doctor said, there is no failure only delayed success!

Have a happy Labor Day!

Grease is the word...

Our Attack the Fat Challenge team is assembled and NAMED. Yes, we are the "Pink Ladies." A little ode to the inner greaser in all of us and of course our shirts are pink.

I'm really looking forward to the challenge, which starts on September 13. Prepare to read all about our training sessions and our weekly progress. This time around, I've enlisted two girlfriends to join me. It's going to be fabulous! We will have each other to lean on and encourage during the 8 week session. AND-we'll be able to get together on off training days and do our "homework." So-RB and RG....let's get ready to rumble...or should I say, let's get ready to drag race in a souped up convertible. After all-grease is the word.

Bring it on!

It seems completely surreal to me that I'm here, at this place. It seems like I've spent the entire past year gearing up for this moment and then before you know it-it's here.

I had my very first fill today. My doctor asked me if I was ready to start losing weight. One part of me wanted to scream, "Heck yeah! I've been waiting YEARS to start losing weight! I'm ready, bring it on!" Yet, there was another voice inside of me, timidly wondering if all would be okay-was this really happening-what if it doesn't work-what if I can't do this?

Yet, I sit here, excited. Really excited. Wanting to shout from the roof tops excited! My weight loss journey has brought me to this point and I am MORE than ready. I am so very ready to see the pounds melting off-to feel a bit lighter on my feet-to feel really good about myself again. And, I know that my value and self worth as a person doesn't come from a number on a scale, or a number sewn into my pants but I'm so ready to allow myself to not just know that in my head-but to know that in my heart, too. Bring it on! I'm ready!

Fill 'Er Up!

Tomorrow is the big day! My very first fill! I'm not sure what to think-I guess I'm a little bit anxious and a whole lot excited.

I think I've gotten through "Bandster Hell" as well as could be expected. It seems as though my appetite has increased substantially the past week. I'm able to eat more at each meal and I'm getting hungry. I hear that is quite normal-and we know that my "normal" has forever been altered.

My Attack the Fat Challenge starts just two weeks after my fill, too. So, hopefully we'll get the band on track and start the challenge. I am just thinking about how great it's going to be to start seeing results!

I think I will attempt and post a photo diary of my journey. After reading another blog, I'm going to take a picture each month on the same day. Let's hope I can figure out how to post pictures into my blogs...perhaps after the weight loss, I can master technology.

Attack the Fat Challenge...version 4

I'm all signed up and ready for Attack the Fat Challenge version 4! I am so excited about it I can hardly stand it. I'm so happy because this time around-I have two of my friends with me. We will likely be paired with another person, but it will be fun to go through this next challenge with two good girlfriends by my side.

I also got some very good news from my doctor. They scheduled my first fill! And, because I'm traveling for work-they are filling me a bit early-at 5 weeks post surgery instead of 6 weeks. My fill date is August 30. Apparently the first fill is done in the surgery center with an x-ray and drinking the barium. I'm thankful for that because I'm excited to see my new "pouch" and get visual confirmation that all is well with my band.

I've had a better week than last week but it still brought me new challenges. I'm really struggling with how this new life will work for me. I'm struggling with what to eat (I was thankfully put on regular foods-no restrictions) and how much to eat. I've had some back pain and some tightness in my chest which had me worried (once again) that I've caused my band to slip. I believe I just ate too fast and too much and yes that can cause your band to slip. So-I'm backing way off and trying to remember to take it slow. I went back to softer foods today just until I'm feeling a bit more comfortable with everything.

So-stay tuned for Attack the Fat Challenge updates as well as weight loss updates. The challenge starts mid-September; my band should be tight; the weight should come flying off! :) In the meantime-thanks so much for your support. My family and friends (both old and new) have really helped me make it through the past month. I don't know what I'd do without each and everyone of you.

Coming down off the ledge.

Good morning! It's amazing how a fresh new day and some much needed advice and support from friends can completely change your outlook.

I need to send a big thank you to my friend, RB (you know who you are). Your support and willingness to always be there for me during each step of my very new journey has been amazing. Thank you so much. Coffee at Starbucks last night really helped get me down off the ledge.

If you are considering or have had lap band surgery-I highly recommend the website lapbandtalk.com. It has great information with posts and blogs from people who have been there. I posted some concerns yesterday and within hours I had several people respond with their experiences, support and advice. There are lots of people on there who are just considering the band, as well as help in finding doctors both with insurance or for self payers. I strongly recommend it. And, if you do happen to join, please look me up and "friend" me. My user name is BandNewMe.

I know this post is a big boring and not filled with my usual sarcasm or wit (at least I fancy myself a bit witty) but the past week has been beyond terrible. I'm apparently in something called "Bandster Hell." Lovely, right? And, let me tell you-it's certainly been hellish. But, the good news is-I'm getting through it. I'm surviving. I'm learning-not only about life with my band, but I'm learning about myself. I'm working on the very difficult "head issues" that have gotten me into this mess to begin with. And, no matter what avenue we take to lose weight-we all have to deal with our head issues. So, I'm thankful. I'm thankful for my family (who deal with me and my head issues day in and day out), my friends (who so faithfully talk me down off the ledge and accept me for who I am), technology (so helpful to me and my journey is meeting others who have been there); and oddly, I'm thankful for the ledges themselves-as being on the ledge and having to be talked off it, teaches me things about myself that I wouldn't otherwise learn. God is good, God is a gentle teacher who gets us to self discovery in His time and in His ways...man am I blessed.

Full on freak out in progress...be warned!

Yes, it's true. I am experiencing a full on, hard core freak out. I am exactly 3 weeks post surgery and am CONVINCED I've caused my band to slip. Throughout this process, the doctor said the most common complication from the surgery is band slippage. And, from the beginning, I've worried that it will happen to me. I do, at times, have a "Ziggy mentality" and feel as though that rain cloud is looming over me. More often than not, the rain cloud is no where in sight-but my perception is that it's right there. Not that I'm a total doom and gloomer-I'm actually quite positive.

Perhaps it's years of disappointment over my weight loss failures that has brought this on. Perhaps it's the bloating and discomfort anytime I eat anything. Or, perhaps it's the chronic mid-back pain that has me fearing the slippage. I'm not quite sure. I've called the doctor and unfortunately my nurse is on vacation until next week. And, I do have an appointment scheduled for Tuesday. But, until I get some clear answers from my doctor-I'm left to wrestle with my mind and speculate on my "symptoms". Neither of which is good.

A friend of mine recently encouraged me with "this WILL work." Don't stay focused on your past failures...this time it IS different. Why do I torture myself this way? Why am I looking for reasons to think this won't work? I know these are only questions I can eventually answer-after much prayer and self reflection.

So, as I pack up after my week long vacation at the beach and wonder why I've had to consume myself with these thoughts while attempting to enjoy sun and surf (Yes, can you believe I've tortured myself while on vacation with my gorgeous family?)- I realize that perhaps this week of fearing over slippage has roots in some deeper issues. Yes- fear of failure (and rejection); fear of feeling less than worthy; fear of succeeding (yes-we all must admit that sometimes the fear of success is scarier than failure). I am reminded and assured that as a child of God-I need not fear anything. For if God is with me-who can be against me? The answer is no one-except maybe myself. I really must get out of my own way...

Where's my medication?????

Yes, you guessed it. I’m referring to the medication that has gotten me into this terrible mess of obesity. I medicate myself with food. That’s it-the ugly truth.

I had the crappiest of crappy days yesterday at work. It was miserable-I actually cried the entire way home from work. That’s not really like me-I can usually hold myself together pretty well. I’m sure it’s a combination of all the stressors in my life recently that brought me to the breaking point. But, I walked in that door and was looking, searching, frantic to find something to eat. Crazy, right? I wanted to eat something to make myself feel “better”. But, I know I would have felt worse afterwards because of the crushing, oppressive guilt I would have felt for having eaten something that takes me further and further away from my goals.

So, I happily report that I was able to refrain from taking the leap of overindulgence. It was tough-but I managed not to medicate myself with food. I guess these are the changes that will slowly make their way into my routine. So, no more food medication for me…now it’s strictly vitamins, the occasional Tylenol oh yeah, and the anti-nausea meds and acid reflux meds. Gotta love the band!

To take the challenge or not????

So, I'm not sure what to do. The next session of the Attack the Fat Challenge begins in mid-September. I'm torn! On one hand, I want to do it again. It was such a great feeling getting my hiney kicked by a personal trainer several times a week and trying out new classes. On the other hand, I lost nothing...nada...zilch...zippo. After 22 weeks with a personal trainer 3 days a week and the other 4 days of "homework" I lost nothing.

I do think I have a lot going for me this time around. I will have my little friend (aka my lap band) to help me with the food logging/journaling/calorie counting. But, it's another $400. The amount of money I've spent on the Attack the Fat Challenge, the surgery, etc...I mean really...do you know how much Lilly Pulitzer I could have purchased by now? Of course-it doesn't really matter if I can't fit into it.

I have a friend who I'm hoping will take the challenge with me. I guess we'll have to come to a decision here soon. Sign up starts next week...stay tuned to see if I will once again have a ridiculous team name...

Awww---mushy, mushy..

Wahoo! I have moved on to the soft, mushy food stage! This is clearly an exciting day for me. Beacuse, if I have to eat cream of broccoli soup again anytime soon-I will throw up. And, I’m not a huge fan of protein shakes right now either.

I had my first follow up meeting with my surgeon today. We reviewed my surgery pictures-fascinating. They told me I had skinny insides. Which, despite being a ridiculous thing to be happy about-I smiled. At least part of me is skinny. Now I’ll just have to let my outsides catch up with my insides.

Things appear to be going well. I’m down 13 pounds and I get to start eating mushy foods. Life is grand! I go back in 10 days to see how I’m doing. I’m not exactly sure what we will discuss on my next visit but I will hold out hope that in 10 days I will be instructed to move to “regular food” ie food that hasn’t been mashed or pureed into a paste-like consistency. But, if I’m still on mushy foods in 10 days, it will be but a still so small sacrifice in the grand scheme of things.

I want to thank all the lap banders out there with blogs. I’m so encouraged reading your posts and looking at pictures of your progress. I hope to figure out how to upload pictures to my blog as well. As soon as this natural blonde figures it out-expect some pictures of my not yet skinny outsides…I’ll refrain from posting pictures of my skinny insides…although I am quite proud. 

I feel good

I woke up the other morning singing James Brown's "I feel good." And, I do. I am on the mend from the surgery and still just so excited about what lies before me on my weight loss journey.

Now, I am a bit sick and tired of protein and fruit shakes. I have a follow up doctors appointment on Monday at which time I hope I get the green light for some soft, mushy foods. Who would have thought I would be counting down the days until I was able to eat PUREED foods? Really?

I'm down about 13 pounds since I started my 7 day pre-op diet. 13 pounds-that is not too shabby and I'm totally excited about it. I spent 44 weeks with a personal trainer over the last 52 weeks; modified my diet and lost nothing. So, to see 13 pounds was quite an accomplishment. Speaking of the gym...

I miss that, too (in addition to actual food versus a blended icy concoction). I am on an exercise hiatus until I've fully mended and I really am looking forward to getting back in the gym and hitting that spin bike. Who would have thought...I'm looking forward to pureed foods and the spin bike...talk about changes.

Now, someone grab my shiny sparkly pink boxing robe...I must complete singing along with the Godfather of Soul...I feel good...I knew that I would now...

Freedom in Boundries...

My husband reminded me today, as I'm in my hospital gown feeling as though a Mack truck hit me then turned around and hit me again, that there is Freedom in Boundaries. And, he's exactly right.

My pastor once told a story about a group of school children who were taken outside to play. One group played in a fenced in area and one group played in an area with no fences. The children within the fencing explored the entire area, ran, laughed and played until it was time to go inside. The other group, the group without fencing, just sort of mingled in the middle of the play yard, not really exploring the entire play area. Freedom in Boundaries.

I am home today after my lap band surgery. And, as awful as I may feel physically right now, I'm terribly excited and happy. As I mentioned in a previous blog-I'm looking forward to redefining my relationship with food. And, it's starting with boundaries and my freedom within those boundaries. The lap band is my fence...so it's time to enjoy my life using my band to help me place boundaries on my previously destructive relationship with food!

3 down and counting...

I'm almost through day 4 of my liquid low carb diet which means I'm a little over 3 days away from surgery.

I think I'm handling it just fine (insert irrational, nasty comment to a dear loved one here). Seriously-I think I've been a bit...bitc%y. I'm sure there are those that may not notice the difference, but man I've been about ready to take people's heads off and in some instances HAVE! :) So, for those of you in the line of fire-I apologize. It's not you-it's me (and the lack of any carbs in my diet).

It's almost surreal to think it's just days away. Days away to a completely life changing event. No longer will I be able to sit on the sofa, watching TV and eating a bag (yes, the complete bag) of chips. No longer will I be able to go out to dinner with my family and eat the chips/salsa and an entree. And, no longer will I be able to feel guilty about it.

I find it interesting that the things we do to comfort ourselves are oftentimes the same things that make us feel like crap about ourselves. It's such a vicious cycle-as any addiction is.

So, I look with promise to my new life after surgery. I'm looking forward to food not being my best friend and my worst enemy. I'm starting to visualize my new relationship with food and man am I excited. Let the chains and shackles fall because a prisoner to food I will no longer be.

Now-a slave to fashion...I see that addiction staying with me (and perhaps intensifying) for quite some time...perhaps I should tell my husband to not read my blog tonight.

Day 2...

Really, it's only been a little over 24 hours since I started my pre-op diet? This is going to be tough. I started my all liquid, low carb diet yesterday. And, at the same time decided to try and give up caffeine. Probably not the wisest move, my friends. So, last night I indulged in a glass of tea and this morning-coffee. At least the headache went away!

For those who don't know me, after years of struggle I've decided to have Lap Band surgery. This was not a decision made lightly or without prayer and deep self reflection. So-if you think you might have a comment to offer that is not supportive, let me stop you there and ask that you refrain from posting your particular opinion on the subject. This is, after all, a decision that affects me and my family so we're really the only ones who should have much say in the matter. And, we see this as a tool to offer me assistance while I continue on my path of health. It's not the easy fix rather an aid to help me accomplish my goals.

Surgery is scheduled for Friday, July 23. I am nervous but excited; hesitant and hopeful; but mostly I'm a bit weary from a long struggle that has netted limited results. So, I move forward on my journey-putting behind me those dangerous thoughts of is this really going to work when nothing else has? I choose to think rather of the possibilities ahead of me...a long active, healthy life with my husband and three kids; not being self conscious of my body, not deciding to engage in life for fear of embarrassment and of course-a closet full of Lilly Pulitzer...

So, stay tuned my friends...I'm sure your support will be needed and appreciated...

I'm baaaack...................

No, I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth. Although I have been living in the trenches again.

I ran into a friend who asked me why I haven’t blogged in awhile. I wish I had a good excuse, but my friends, life is my excuse. I got insanely busy at work and ended up traveling for three weeks in the month of May! That left little time for blogging. I do, after all, have a fairly demanding full time job and three fairly demanding children.

I finished up the Attack the Fat Challenge, again. Yes-I am happy to report that 22 weeks with a personal trainer has netted me a loss of….drum roll please…..2 pounds! Yahoo (insert sarcastic laugh here). Which, I’ve promptly gained back. Although perhaps the 2 pounds was just water weight anyway so I didn’t really lose anything and therefore can’t be held responsible for gaining it back.

As you can imagine, I’ve been a bit depressed about the 2 pounds…uh, I mean, ZERO pounds. So, being busy aside, that’s another reason I haven’t blogged. I am just really having a hard time staying motivated and positive. Which, is not like me at all; I’m a pretty positive person-I see the glass as half full not half empty.

I have two friends that are so close to their goal weights and I’m so very excited and happy for them. I truly am. It’s just hard to look in the mirror and see how far away I am. And, it’s not for lack of trying that the mountain seems insurmountable. But, I must plug away and carry on. So, I’m back.

Thank you for your patience and support as I took the past few months off and pouted. I’m sure there are blue skies on my horizon…

To Jordan...with Love...

To all the naysayers out there, let me tell you…a trip to THE RUNNING STORE is an absolute MUST!

My feet have been killing me. I mean, seriously, I have barely been able to walk since the weekend. My training session on Monday was miserable. In fact, my trainer had to modify my cardio workout since I could barely hobble around on my poor, aching feet.

There is no question that I likely need to see a doctor and physical therapy may be in my future as well. BUT-I finally took the advice of some friends and stopped into The Running Store to find the ***perfect*** pair of shoes.

For those of you who know me, my idea of the ***perfect*** pair of shoes usually includes something shiny, sparkly and in a fabulous open toed sandal. And, in the case of athletic shoes, I typically lean towards something pink and cute. I never thought I’d need to purchase a pair of running shoes based on what they can DO for me.

In walks Jordan…my sales associate at The Running Store. (Insert the sound of harps and angels here) He got me up on the treadmill, took a picture of my walk (and lame attempt at a jog/run) and from that was able to determine what type of running shoe I NEED. Need-go figure that!

To make a short story long…my training session last night, in my new shoes was great! The foot pain was so much better. It wasn’t completely gone, but I was actually able to jog a few laps and walk a few laps and compared to Monday-that was a remarkable improvement.

So, thank you Jordan. Here’s to my gray and blue motion control Brooks…now if they only came in pink….